Always Forgiven, Never Forgotten | By : A.K.O.Shifting-Shadow Category: Stargate: SG-1 > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1205 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1. I make no profit posting this story. Any relation to person/s or place/s real or imagined is purely coincidental. |
"Symbiote speaking." I'm using bold to represent the echoing voice symbiotes have when they speak.
"Host speaking."
-Symbiote speaking to host.-
Host speaking to symbiote.
Chapter Four: Alone?
“Kawalsky is himself for the moment.” Doctor Fraiser said as she stared at everyone around the large meeting table. Louis sat across from her and her gaze focused on him because he held the knowledge of how to help their comrade inside of him. “But there are times when the parasite takes control, those times are becoming longer and more frequent.” She stated, his voice heavily laden with concern. “The Goa’uld is becoming increasingly violent and I’ve had to sedate them both so no harm will come to Kawalsky. But I do not know how long I can keep them under sedation.”
“At the right dose, you could most likely keep them sedated indefinitely.” Malek replied. “Our primary concern should be the Goa’uld, I can show you how to keep it sedated. If it maintains control it can inflict harm upon his host as punishment to Kawalsky’s resistance and to its continued imprisonment.” Malek stated. “To prevent the Goa’uld from inflicting pain on its host we should keep in sedated at all times. Sedating the Goa’uld permanently will do no harm to Kawalsky, however killing the Goa’uld would. Its body would break down and release a poison into Kawalsky’s bloodstream killing him. To ensure this does not happen we will have to make sure the dose is strong enough to keep the Goa’uld from taking control but mild enough that it does not kill the Goa’uld.”
“You will have to aid me with the dosage.” Doctor Fraiser replied her eyes telling Malek how eagerly she was to absorb what knowledge he would give. “Of course we also have to make sure the chemical we use does no harm either.” She added as an after-thought.
“The Goa’uld’s body will be resistant to most chemicals, very little can harm or kill a symbiote. I assure you that many of your chemicals will not harm it. But if the chemicals are rather strong then continual doses may mean the Goa’uld becomes ill and its health could deteriorate to death. I will gladly aid you with you research.” Malek replied. –I can only hope they do not turn around and use these chemicals on me.- He thought to his host nervously.
I very much doubt they would, after all we, well you have aided them with gate addresses and prevented a Goa’uld from infiltrating the base and I know a few of our comrades like you, though they don’t want to admit it. Louis replied. Don’t worry, sedating you will not aid them in anyway. After all they need your knowledge and whilst you share it with me, I cannot understand it as well as you can. They need you and on top of that they need you aware for the interrogation that is to come. Louis added.
-True. Still I will continue to be alert for any suspicious movements and activity.- Malek replied. “Right now, Kawalsky is still your Kawalsky, as your Louis Ferretti is still Louis Ferretti. The Goa’uld within your comrade is still young and was not yet old enough to take a host. Because of this its control is not yet absolute and Kawalsky will still have primary control. If we did not sedate the parasite inside of him Kawalsky would have become a prisoner inside his own mind. Right now Kawalsky can barely feel the creature but as it becomes older he will begin to feel it and its mind. This can work to our advantage for the time being. What little knowledge your comrade can collect will be of great value to me and my people and yours.”
“It is not about collecting Intel.” Colonel O’Neill replied.
“No it is not.” Malek agreed. “I like this situation as much as you do Colonel, but even you cannot deny the valuable information we could gave from this opportunity we have. Besides Kawalsky has been imprisoned by his own people and the Goa’uld, he has no power, nothing to drive him. By asking his to gather this Intel whilst the parasite is sedated will give him some strength and purpose.” Malek explained.
“It is a good idea, sir.” Doctor Fraiser replied. “Kawalsky has been feeling powerless and less and less like himself the longer he is a host. By giving him something to do it may give him some strength to keep fighting. If I can safely sedate the parasite, I believe Kawalsky can collect the Intel without any harm coming to him.”
“We cannot miss the opportunity, sir.” Captain Carter stated. “It may be an unfortunate situation but we must take advantage whilst we still can. The parasite is weak and we can take advantage and gather Intel on our enemy and other planets.”
“We can learn more about the Goa’uld through this symbiote.” Doctor Jackson stated, putting in his ‘two pennies worth’. “And that information would be invaluable. We would have an advantage over future situations like this where we encounter the Goa’uld.”
“Colonel.” General Hammond stated staring at the greying man waiting for the man’s answer.
Colonel O’Neill sighed. “It is a good idea, sir.” He stated simply and slightly reluctantly.
“Very well, Malek and Janet you…”
Malek coughed slightly interrupting the General. The man stared at him torn between expectancy and annoyance at being interrupted. “You forget my host, Louis is with me too. Louis, Doctor Fraiser and I will formulate the drugs to sedate the Goa’uld.” He stated angry on behalf of his host.
They did not mean to forget me, Malek but they were talking to you at the time. Louis stated not at all angry that he had been forgotten.
-It matters little, they should not have forgotten.- Malek replied stubbornly.
General Hammond seemed to smile nodding in approval. “Whilst they prepare the formula I want Doctor Jackson and Captain Carter to re-read everything you’ve gathered and prepare for any more knowledge. Colonel I need you to keep Kawalsky on track, don’t let him give up.” Hammond stated passionately. “Dismissed.”
Malek receded control to Louis as they stood. The host stretched and then followed the woman out of the briefing room and down to the medical bay. “So, Malek…”
“Louis.” Louis replied telling the lady who was in control.
“Louis.” Doctor Fraiser replied, before turning to a cabinet holding many bottles and vials. “I’ve been using…” Louis blinked unknowingly as the woman went through several chemical names and whilst Malek understood the words he did not understand what chemical did what. The woman turned around and noticed Louis’s blank stare so she slowly explained each of the chemicals and their basic uses. This is going to take a while. Louis thought staring at the woman, bottles and vials with confusion whilst Malek listened attentively.
“Malek, Louis.” Colonel O’Neill greeted several hours later. Malek turned from the Doctor and Kawalsky to face the newcomers. A brown haired man stood beside Colonel O’Neill in a blue military uniform, his expression was one of curiosity and greed. Malek had no doubt he would lap up the chance to take Malek and Louis so he could learn more about Malek and what he was capable of. Malek would have to be extremely careful. “This is Colonel Maybourne.” O’Neill introduced. “He is here to interrogate you on behalf of our government.”
Malek nodded in response to the greetings. “You must excuse me for a few moments, we are conducting some important tests that cannot be interrupted.” Malek stated, not likely how the small man’s eyes lit up as he spoke. He would definitely have to be wary around Colonel Maybourne.
“Of course, do not allow me to interrupt.” The man stated, following O’Neill out of the door, but his small greedy eyes stayed focused on Malek.
Malek shivered, his small body squirming beneath his hosts skin, that man already repulsed him and they had yet to properly meet. Louis mentally squirmed in his sleep, his mind reacting to Malek’s discomfort. Malek calmed himself and pushed Louis into a deeper sleep so he would not be disturbed by Malek’s thoughts. Once he was sure his host was asleep and resting well he turned back to the Doctor. “I apologise for the interruption.” He stated. “Shall we continue?”
“Yes, let’s.” Kawalsky stated sarcastically from the medical bed he lay upon, his tone irritated. Fraiser nodded and carefully position the needle with a cocktail of sedation drugs against the man’s neck. Using a CAT scanner she located the Goa’uld’s position and inserted the needle pushing the drug into the creature’s small body. The Goa’uld reacted sluggishly already drugged, it wiggled in discomfort before lying against Kawalsky’s spine limply.
“That should keep it controlled for now.” Malek stated. “Do you feel any difference?” He asked Kawalsky.
“It feels weaker, like it is hardly there.” The man replied with relief as his body slumped against the bed.
“I know you probably do not wish to do this, but to give you something to do you could try and collect as much knowledge from the Goa’uld as possible.” Malek stated. “It will give you something to do and you can exercise your power over the parasite. But I will understand if you do not try, if the Goa’uld still has some awareness it may try to fight back and that could be dangerous.”
“Don’t think you’re not obligated to do this.” Doctor Fraiser added. “It is a dangerous idea.”
“But it would be useful.” Kawalsky replied.
“I would prefer if you waited until I was present to do so.” Malek added. “I will be able to aid you but right now I have to go and be interrogated. If you are interested in gathering Intel from the Goa’uld just inform Colonel O’Neill or General Hammond and the moment I am free I will help you.” Malek stated, Kawalsky nodded in agreement.
“Hey Malek, for what it’s worth, thanks. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you and Louis hadn’t realised what had happened. I’d probably be locked in my own mind watching as the parasite made me kill everyone.” Kawalsky stated solemnly. Since he had come to the realisation that he was an unwilling host, his respect for Malek and Louis had grown. The human now knew that Malek was different from the creature inside his own head and a tentative friendship had grown between Malek and Kawalsky.
“It was no problem.” Malek replied. “If I am permitted I will return later today.” Malek added before nodding at the man and leaving. The short greedy man, Maybourne was waiting impatiently with O’Neill and Malek could see the Colonel was ready to kill the other. “Forgive me for the delay, but I could not postpone the procedure.” Malek stated, other than asking for forgiveness Malek gave no signs of respect to the greedy human, if he wanted respect he would have to earn it.
“I can see how important the procedure is, perhaps you will explain it to me.” Maybourne asked, his eyes full of selfishness and greed.
“The procedure is not yet ready for public knowledge. We still have to determine that it works.” Malek replied. “I do not know much about Earth politics but I doubt that all information has to be reported directly to you.” He added, hiding a smirk as Maybourne’s face lit up with insult and anger. “Now let us get this interrogation out of the way so I may continue to aid the SGC and as a result Earth’s people.” Malek stated making it clear how much of an annoyance the interrogation would be without actually allowing his annoyance to show.
“Of course.” Maybourne stated calmly, though Malek could tell that the human was frustrated. The human had obviously realised that Malek was not going to be as co-operative as he hoped.
They all fell silent as O’Neill led them to the interrogation room. Malek mentally sighed as he saw the familiar dark room, small table and two chairs. He took a seat across from Maybourne and watched as O’Neill reluctantly left, though Malek doubted that he went far. “So I am speaking to a parasitic creature inhabiting a human’s body.” Maybourne stated, indirectly telling Malek that he thought human’s superior and Malek’s kind were more inferior than dirt.
“Symbiote, I am a symbiote. A parasite takes what it wants without a care for its host. I live with my host.” Malek replied calmly, imagining himself strangling the man. Louis giggled sleepily at the scene, his mind fidgeting as he finally awoke. He remained silent as he replayed the exchange and watched Maybourne closely. “If you wish to speak to me, call me Malek, do not call me a parasite unless you wish to insult me.” Malek stated.
“I apologise.” Maybourne stated but both symbiote and host saw that he was not at all apologetic. “So, Malek, how did you come to be on Earth?” The man asked leaning forward and balancing his head on his hands.
“I believe that is obvious. I came here via my host.” Malek asked, leaning back and mentally smirking as Maybourne sighed.
“I meant how did you come to have a human host?” Maybourne elaborated.
“I have always had human hosts. Humans span many planets not just your own.” Malek replied, Louis chuckled as he listened to Malek tormenting the human, not quite answering the man’s questions.
“How did you come to be in Major Louis Ferretti?” Maybourne asked.
“My previous host died in an accident, Louis Ferretti was also injured but he would have survived with my aid. I chose to save his life with the urgings of my last host.” Malek replied. “But this is not what we are meant to be speaking of. You are here to determine whether I am a threat to Earth.”
“It is exactly what we are meant to be speaking of.” Maybourne replied sarcastically. “You are a parasite inhabiting another being. So far I have not seen Louis take control. I’ve been told you live alongside your host, all I see is a parasite controlling another’s body.” The man ranted. “Now you will answer these questions.”
“My host has not taken control because he was sleeping and he does not wish to speak to you.” Malek replied calmly even though he was boiling with rage. “I am not a parasite. But you have already made your decision. You are a biased fool. I have no desire to answer any more of your questions. I demand another interrogator. You are clearly incapable of doing your job.”
Maybourne flinched with rage. “How dare you…”
“I dare because I can. You have not come here to question me, you have come to judge me. You are incompetent. I demand another interrogator.”
“You are not in a position to demand anything.” Maybourne replied angrily his hands clenching with rage. Malek merely raised an eyebrow at the display enraging the human even more with his ‘cool act’. “You have no rights on this planet, no one knows you exist.”
Let me take control. Louis demanded. Malek feeling Louis’s determination receded control. Maybourne raised an eyebrow as he watched Louis’s expression change to one of self-confidence to one of barely suppressed rage. “Malek may not have any rights but I do!” Louis snapped. “And Malek is right, you are incompetent. I demand another more superior man or woman to interrogate me and my symbiote.” Louis continued emphasising ‘symbiote’.
“I am talking to Major Ferretti right now.” Maybourne asked though it sounded more like a statement. “What makes you think your rights stand right now? You have been taken over by a parasite whose intentions are unknown…”
“You have witnessed for yourself that Malek is happy to help us.” Louis snapped back angrily, infuriated by the man. “Or are you blind as well.”
-Easy, my dear host, do not allow yourself to be angered by them man. That is what he desires.- Malek stated calmly. –If you wish I will retake control. I will not allow the man to continue to insult us.-
Louis took in a deep breath, releasing it before glaring at the man. “I will answer no more questions and neither will my symbiote until you treat us with the respect we deserve.”
“And how much respect do you and the parasite think you deserve?” Maybourne asked curiously.
“Malek is a politician and leader to his people, in fact he would be considered a General. He is,” Louis emphasised ‘is’ with a smirk. “Superior to you. Not only that but he holds information that he will be willing to share as long as he is respected as a living, sentient symbiote. In other words you class him as a person with all the rights it entails, you treat him just as you would treat me without him inside me, as an equal human being.”
“But he is not human.”
“Yet he still has a distinct personality and can speak for himself.” Louis replied. “Now treat us with respect or leave empty handed.” Maybourne stared angrily before sighing with frustration. Malek chuckled. –Well done my host. Obviously he needs something from us for his report or his superiors, leaving empty handed is not an option for him. But I wonder what he desires.- Malek mumbled
“Very well, Malek is a sentient being, yet you cannot deny his need to inhabit another for him to survive.” Maybourne stated.
“Perhaps.” Louis agreed. “But you cannot judge anything or anyone on the ways they need to behave for their survival. We mass-produce animals and slaughter them, piranha’s can eat meat right down to the bone in seconds and hyenas have jaws strong enough to crunch through bone. Does it mean that we’re all evil or does it mean we’re all doing what needs to be done for survival?”
“That is not the point.”
“Yes it is. You judge Malek for his way of life, for his instinct. His instinct for his host is just like our instinct for food and shelter. He does what he needs to survive but unlike the Goa’uld he does not control or possess his host he shares with his host. He knows another person owns this body and that he is a guest, so he inhabits only those who are willing and I am willing.”
-Thank you.- Malek thought gratefully as the host made his passionate speech.
No problem. I may not have been willing before but I am now and that is all that matters. Louis thought in reply. “Malek could judge us on the way we are. Look at us, we’re a warmongering race. We’re a race that finds any reason to gain more power, in a way we’re similar to the Goa’uld and he knows it. We can be evil and yet he has not judged us, he sees what we are and knows what a danger we can be but he does not hate us.”
“The parasite has no right to judge us…”
“He has every right. He has gone out of his way not to disturb our way of life, he has stayed a virtual prisoner inside my mind, never speaking and always hiding. When he was revealed he went out of his way for me to gain my colleagues trust again and now he fights for us, trying to find a way we can somehow stop Goa’uld from invading SGC personnel. He has given us everything he can and yet we’ve given him nothing in return but insults, jibes and dis-respect.” Louis ranted. “You owe Malek, Malek does not owe you a thing.”
Maybourne’s eye twitched and he opened his mouth to speak but before he could Malek surged forward with Louis’s permission. “I have chosen to aid your species and I am willing to continue but my host speaks true. I am trapped here on Earth and I would prefer to at least speak to my people and let them know I still live. You stand between me and my freedom, now you can either free me which would guarantee not only good relations between Earth and myself, but also with Earth and my people. If you continue to keep me tied on Earth I will not be as eager to aid your people.” Malek stated. “Oh, and do not forget to mention what I’ve done for you humans when you write your report, you seem like the sort of person who will alter the report to your own opinions to get what you want.” Maybourne sat gaping like a fish getting angrier and angrier. Malek just leaned his host’s body back against the seat with a smirk. “Now is this ‘interrogation’ over with? I have a patient that needs my aid. Oh and whilst I think of it, my people can aid my patient but to help him I must get in contact with them. You hold Kawalsky’s life and freedom in your hands, use that power wisely, human.”
“You can go Malek, Louis.” General Hammond strolled in.
“You cannot…”
“I’ve listened to the interrogation and I’ve heard more than enough. You were not here to interrogate Malek and his host, you were here to judge and whilst Malek did taunt you he said nothing offensive at all. You were verbally abusing Malek with the intention to agitate and insult the symbiote into behaving how you wanted him to behave. I will be reporting you to the President and your superiors.” Hammond stated calmly though his eyes twinkled with anger.
“I apologise for my behaviour and I hope what I’ve said in this room will not affect our tentative friendship and alliance. I am pleased to aid you in anyway, but as I have stated I cannot trust the humans outside of the immediate vicinity, so far from what I’ve seen,” Malek glanced back at Colonel Maybourne. “I cannot trust your superiors and anyone outside of this base.”
“It is understandable.” Hammond replied. “Maybourne has painted our people in a bad light but unfortunately no matter how many times you repeat ‘symbiote’ our race will still only see you as a creature that inhabits and controls another. I cannot change this opinion nor can I try.” Malek nodded at the man’s wise words. “However as a representative of our Government and its companies, Colonel Maybourne should have acted with a greater respect to you than what he felt, instead he allowed his personal opinions to affect how he acted with you and therefore painted our people in a bad way. His behaviour cannot be ignored.”
“I will go and aid Kawalsky, we still have much work to do. But I cannot guarantee that I can continue to keep the creature at bay. It really needs to be removed but without the help of my people the procedure will be incredibly dangerous and perhaps fatal. I do not have the proper equipment to conduct such a procedure.”
“I will do what I can to try and persuade my superiors to permit you and Louis off world. Kawalsky’s survival will depend on their judgement.” Hammond replied. “Go do what you can.”
Malek bowed his head in respect to the man before turning his back on the infuriating Colonel Maybourne and leaving. I’m glad General Hammond came in when he did. Another moment and I think we might have tried to kill him.
-No, he was more likely to attack us but he would have failed.- Malek replied. –He does not have the strength of a symbiote, we would have restrained him in seconds. But we need not think any more of this. Let’s return to Kawalsky. The man may have calmed a little now the Goa’uld is weaker and not affecting his mind as much as before. He may desire to try and gather the parasite’s knowledge and we shall aid him where we can. You will be invaluable to him since you can talk to him host to host and tell him what he needs to know and do.-
I will do what I can, though I don’t know how much help I will be.
-You will be more than enough help, my dear host.- Malek replied tightening around his hosts spine as he gently stroked his hosts mind with his own, sharing his love for his host with his host. –Kawalsky will need you more than I. But I will help where I can.- Malek promised.
Kawalsky was resting on the bed when they arrived. The man was reading a magazine but the moment they walked in he threw the magazine onto a nearby table and focused on Louis and Malek. “I’ve thought about it and I would like to try. The parasite used my mind and memories to take control and I would like to return the favour.” The man stated clearly angry and wanting some form of revenge.
Malek nodded with a gentle smile. “It will not be easy. The parasite is weak but it may still try to fight back. However it will not be able to take control of you in its weakened stated. I will inform Doctor Fraiser of our plans so she can monitor you.” The man nodded in reply to the symbiote and Malek went to find the Doctor. She was not very far and she immediately knew why Malek was searching for her. The two of them returned to Kawalsky and Malek helped her set up a mind scanner to monitor the parasite and Kawalsky’s mind. Once every machine was in place and she was standing ready with an aid, Malek took a seat next to Kawalsky’s bed. “Now close your eyes and focus inwards, you’ll be able to feel the creature inside you instantly.” Kawalsky hummed in agreement at Malek’s statement. “Carefully delve into its consciousness, now if you’re doing this right you will begin to feel what the creature feels.”
“Anger, Rage, Insult.” Kawalsky replied. “It’s angry that I even touch it with my mind, it feels bigger, superior.”
“That is the creature responding, it is too weak to physically harm you so it is trying to frighten you with the power of its mind, but be assured that it cannot overcome you.” Malek replied. “I’m going to allow my host control, he’ll be able to help you more than I can.”
Louis took a breath once he was in control, unsure what to say or do, but with Malek’s mental encouragement he pulled the chair closer and began to speak. “The images that come to your head as you go deeper are the parasites. Malek tells me that it may use frightening, violent images to put you off but resist them and delve as deep as you dare. Normally when I search Malek’s mind he points me in the right direction but the parasite won’t help you, he will try to divert you from what you are searching for. You’ll have to go through each little bit of information as carefully as possible, search for clues and any little facts, even the tiniest piece of evidence can aid us. Don’t take too many memories from the parasite because these creatures carry hundreds if not thousands of years of memories, taking too many can adversely affect you and change you. So take only a little bit at a time.”
Kawalsky frowned clearly struggling against the creature inside him trying to find any useful bits of information. Louis waited unsure what to say instead he waited for Kawalsky to ask or speak but the man did not speak for some time but finally he stated two words. “System Lords.” -Hmm, the parasite has most likely shown him its species population and how powerful they are.- Malek thought. –This might work in our favour. Ask him to get the parasite to define how much power they hold.-
“What is a system Lord, Kawalsky?” Louis asked obediently.
Again the man took a few moments and everyone watched as the parasite squirmed inside of him obviously uncomfortable but not able to defend itself all that well. “They control many planets and have millions of human’s slaves to serve their whims. The people are merely slaves and hosts to them.” Kawalsky replied as the parasite sent him images of its species ‘ultimate power’. “They’ve done so many terrible things.” The man mumbled.
“Their slaughterers.” Louis replied. “Happily allowing human races to grow just to lead them to the slaughter like we do to cattle, because that is all we are to them breeders and hosts. They have Jaffa, were they’ve placed their young into their stomachs so the parasites can grow until their ready to take a host.”
“Yes.” Kawalsky replied. “It is disgusting and most of the Jaffa are delusional, believing these parasites are Gods.”
“Unfortunately that is what they’ve been made to believe. Their whole culture is built around the Goa’uld since the very beginning.” Louis replied. “And their believes are so ingrained that just the idea of the Goa’uld not being Gods horrifies them and anyone saying otherwise are killed or tortured.” He explained.
-Tell him to stop now. The first time accessing our minds can be overwhelming. He can try again later. He has given the humans more than they need to know for the time being.- Malek instructed. –At least your kind can get an implication of how dangerous the Goa’uld are from one if their own.-
“Malek suggests that you should stop now. Accessing the parasites mind could be overwhelming. What you’ve got is very good and valuable for us.” Louis stated. “He says we can continue later, for now you need to rest.” Kawalsky opened his eyes and nodded, Louis frowned as he noticed the shadows in the man’s eyes. Obviously the man had seen more than what he had told them and it had effected the man, Louis and Malek could only hope he was not changed by the experience.
“You’ve done well.” Doctor Fraiser stated glancing at the screens and watching the parasite, it had been wiggling before, struggling against Kawalsky’s mind but now it was still. “I’m going to keep the scanner and monitors on so I can keep an eye on the creature.” She stated. Kawalsky nodded in agreement looking distinctly uncomfortable at being left alone with the creature in his head.
-Would he like us to stay?- Malek thought curiously.
He probably won’t want to feel as if he is being babied. Louis replied.
-But he might be receptive, after all you are also a host. He may appreciate your presence.- Malek answered. –I think he will need you more than anyone else.-
“Would you like me to stay?” Louis asked aloud to Kawalsky. Kawalsky paused for a moment considering before nodding silently. Louis smiled and relaxed in his seat, Malek wiggled for a moment as if mimicking his host and making himself comfortable. I don’t think we can leave that parasite in him forever. Look at the man he is really uncomfortable, I can’t imagine what he is experiencing.
-In a way you can, my dear host. Think of when we first joined. I behaved badly as if I was a Goa’uld, I imprisoned you inside you own mind but unlike a Goa’uld I listened and spoke to you. Kawalsky’s parasite will not listen nor will he speak to his host, the moment it entered Kawalsky’s body it became his. To the parasite Kawalsky’s mind, his whole essence is an inconvenience, he will torture and destroy the man’s mind for fun.- Malek explained. –If the parasite becomes powerful enough Kawalsky may never exist again. Very few humans have the ability to survive being possessed as a Goa’uld host, those that survive are often changed. Some become Tok’ra hosts and we try to work with them healing them from their ordeals, but it can be very difficult and trying.-
I know this will sound… harsh but how does a traumatised host heal from becoming a Tok’ra host. If I was a Goa’uld host who was finally freed from the Goa’uld I would not be looking for a symbiote to take its place.
-That is a very valid point.- Malek replied not at all offended. –Many can never face the idea of being a host and can return home but some are so badly traumatised, so badly scarred by their experiences that they simply cannot lead a normal life. I had a host many centuries ago who had been a Goa’uld host. His name was Takuma, before I joined with him he was almost comatose. His mind whilst there was hidden, he’d closed himself off from the Goa’uld and the world. He had to be taken care of physically, even going to the toilet required assistance because he was not ‘running’ his body. It was decided a symbiote would need to be used to aid him and I accepted the job. It was very difficult at first, my presence actually made the situation worse at first. But I began ‘running’ the man’s body, bringing him to full health. Gradually Takuma realised I was not evil or malicious and curiosity got the better of him. He pulled himself out of his comatose state to speak to me. He was nervous at first, afraid of everything and everyone, but he trusted me and so I shielded him from the world. But gradually I made him take control, first in the privacy of our rooms and then gradually everywhere else. He was never the same as he used to be and he never took control that often but when it was finally his time, he thanked me for my love and care and apologised for his behaviour. I have to say that even though he was always afraid and shy, he has to be the most courageous of my host so far. He bravely faced our enemies with me even though all he wanted to do was hide, he protected me when I was unconscious or badly wounded even though he hated being in control whilst in enemy hands. He faced his fears and in the end I could not be more proud of him.- Malek explained passionately. –Healing him had not been easy but I would not have changed him for the world.-
You loved him.
-Just as I love you and all that came before.- Malek replied gently. –And I’m sure if my previous hosts still lived they would love you and each other. Every host I had and will have, have been beautiful and courageous. I have been very fortunate with my hosts, I’ve never regretted or suffered with any of them and they’ve never regretted being my host or experiencing the things we have done. I only regret the lives we have had and will have to live. Fighting the Goa’uld can be an awful experience. It is not a true life, my hosts and I suffered torture, abuse and even rape but we made the most of our lives.-
I’m sorry.
-You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. None of us had any regrets. I just wish they could have had better lives, but with the Goa’uld out there it is just not possible to have a luxurious life style.- Malek replied. –Not many planets are sheltered from Goa’uld rule. Your planet is one of the lucky ones.- Malek pointed out. –You and your species are very fortunate to have such a safe world.- Malek ‘frowned’ as he felt Louis’s guilt at having such a fortune. –You don’t need to feel guilty. I am glad that someone is living free from Goa’uld oppression it shows me what my hosts and I have been fighting for and gives me hope for the future.-
That may be so but I can’t help feeling guilty. Louis replied softly. Malek tightened comfortingly around his host’s spine. How do we get the parasite out of him if we can’t go and find the Tok’ra?
-We’ll have to find a way on our own but it would be risky, perhaps even fatal without my brethren’s aid.- Malek replied. –It would be inadvisable to try. We must get permission to leave so we can find the Tok’ra.-
However, Maybourne might try and sabotage that.
-Not if General Hammond has anything to say about it.- Malek replied smugly. –Remember he witnessed the whole thing and I believe he has a direct phone line to your president. How I would like to be the ‘fly on the wall’ when the president gets through with Colonel Maybourne.- Malek stated humorously.
That is only if the President sides with General Hammond. Louis replied sceptically. Colonel Maybourne might have some friends in very high places, which means that we may have made some powerful enemies.
-More powerful than the Goa’uld?- Malek scoffed. –I think not.-
Don’t get overconfident Malek, don’t forget that we’re on their turf at the moment. Their in control. Not us.
-That may be so, but they need my knowledge and I won’t give it if they continue treating us as they have, so it is really a no win situation for them isn’t it.-
Ah but they could try and make you talk.
-And fail.- Malek replied instantly and very smugly. –Many Goa’uld have tried and fail, your government will be no different.- Louis poked at Malek’s memories and saw the truth in the symbiote’s over confident words. Malek had suffered greatly in Goa’uld hands but he never betrayed the Tok’ra, he did not falter. –Do not fear my beloved host, I will not allow our enemies to harm us. If they even touch a hair on your head they will make an enemy of me. They would do well to stay on my good side.- Malek stated the silent threat was easily noticed by his host, who agreed silently with him. Crossing Malek was very inadvisable, this Tok’ra symbiote had many, many tricks up his sleeves.
It was some time later that anything else happened, Malek was conversing with Kawalsky as the man lay back on his medical bed. The man was asking Malek all kinds of questions to do with symbiotes and parasites. Malek was trying to answer as many questions as he could without revealing too much about his own kind.
“Malek.” Malek turned and met the unwavering gaze of General Hammond. “I’ve just got off the phone with the president. He would like to meet you personally, would you agree to meet him?”
“It would be a pleasure.” Malek replied. “I look forward to it, when will he be here?”
“I will call him in a few moments and confirm that you wish to meet him. The president has a busy schedule so he cannot make it immediately, however during that time he has agreed you can accompany SG1 on their missions. He wishes for you to find your brethren to save Kawalsky but he also hopes you’ll put in a good word for the human race.”
-He has allowed me off-world even though he hasn’t met me?- Malek thought curiously to his host.
He probably realises the seriousness of the situation and knows we must act to save Kawalsky. He is also putting in faith in you. He is hoping that we will not take the opportunity to run from SG1, if we run it condemns Kawalsky to life imprisonment.
-If we leave we also make a bad name for myself and my brethren. I have no intentions to leave so we are safe. Still it is a great leap of faith by your president.- Malek stated. –However if we do this we can earn the president’s trust.-
We need someone as powerful as him by our side right now. Louis replied softly. We have more enemies than friends at the moment.
-That will not last long my dear host, once they realise we are not going to harm them and that we are trustworthy, any friendships that have been lost will be fixed.- Malek reassured. –You have already proven your worth to General Hammond, Kawalsky and Colonel O’Neill, once we have the president behind us as well the others will soon see the error of their ways.- Malek continued as he felt Louis’s upset about the fact he was not trusted by those he once considered friends.
I know, but I shouldn’t need the president’s voice or even O’Neills, Hammonds and Kawalsky’s to convince my so called friends of my trustworthiness. They knew me or should have known me! Our friendships will never be the same again.
-Perhaps, but see it from their perspective, you have a creature latched onto your brain reading your every thought, every one of your feelings. How do they know it is truly you and not I playing you? They cannot know only surmise and their fear of me made them judge you, but you would have done the same had I possessed anyone else. Do not judge them harshly for fearing me, I do not.-
I cannot judge them. Because I would be behaving the same way if it was anyone else, but I cannot forgive them either.
-Then do not forgive them, you have a right to hold their behaviour against them if you wish, but you are better than that. Let them know of your disappointment and upset, yet do not let their actions and behaviour dictate your life.- Malek replied gently, he turned their attention back to the patiently waiting General Hammond. “Forgive me, I was just speaking with my host for a moment.”
“What does Louis think of everything? Is he happy for you both to meet the president and to return to duty?”
I am happy with it. Louis replied. I am looking forward to finally returning back to work.
“Louis is eager to return to duty and is looking forward to meeting the president.” Malek relayed to General Hammond. “When will my host and I be going on duty?”
“SG1 will be preparing for their next mission tomorrow morning at 0800 hours. You have the remainder of this evening to spend as much time preparing or relaxing before you are required in the briefing room.”
“Very well. My host and I will meet you in the briefing room at 0800 hours.” Malek replied. “Thank you for supporting my host in this trying time. He needs as many friends as he can get and whilst I try to do my best for my host and can heal him from almost anything, I can’t heal his friendships. Thank you for remaining supportive to him.”
“It was a pleasure and tell Louis that he hasn’t lost his friendships, once this all blows over many will accept what has happened.”
“But not all.” Hammond did not need to answer, it was written all over his face. Not all friendships would or could be salvaged from this situation, but Malek would strive to repair as many as he could for his beloved host. “Good Evening.” Malek stated as a fair well, Hammond replied but Malek did not notice his thoughts were preoccupied with salvaging Louis friendships and relationships. –There must be something I can do.- Malek thought.
I doubt that you can do anything. Louis thought sadly, but Malek would not be put off, he would not fail in pleasing his host. Malek had been trying to hide his presence from the others, rarely speaking so it would not upset them, yet they still judged his host. Perhaps if Malek did the opposite, making his presence known…
With a determined stride Malek walked towards the cafeteria. He could feel Louis’s scepticism but Malek had to try. As he strolled into the room several heads turned to face him, many had expressions of fear and disgust, Malek felt his hosts hope wilt and he sneered angrily at the humans. They immediately looked taken aback at Malek’s attitude but Malek was not done. “Hear this, my host may be willing to ignore your whispers and plotting behind his back but I am not.” The veiled threat was clear, Malek was not to be messed with. With his piece said Malek wandered over to the food area to pick out their meal. It did not take long for him to pick out a salad, coca cola and a chocolate mousse.
You did not need to threaten them. Louis thought eventually.
-Yes I did, they needed to know me for who I am, they need to see how I behave and most importantly they need to understand how far I will go to protect you.- Malek replied sternly. –We’ve spent too long hiding and cowering to please them and still they judge, so I will not hide what and who I am.-
“Hey, Malek.” A familiar voice called. Malek turned to face Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson. The two of them were sitting alone on a small table and were waving him over. Malek took a seat and smiled at them. “That was quite an entrance.” Carter stated.
“I felt it was due time for them to learn of who I am. I’ve spent too long hiding trying to please them and as a result my host has suffered. They think he is under my control so I will show them what it is like when I am in control, so they can learn the difference between Louis and I.” Malek explained. “I will not allow my host to continue to suffer.” He added stubbornly.
Sam smiled warmly at Malek and Malek knew that he may be making progress. Perhaps he should have done this in the first place to help them adjust to a Tok’ra being amongst them. However there was no point in considering what they should have done, now was the time to consider what they should be doing. Malek noticed Sam glancing up and turned to meet the bright blue eyes of an approaching man. The man smiled hesitantly as he approached and Louis easily supplied Malek with a name. Captain Vincent Clarke. Supposedly one of Louis’s friends, yet this blonde haired man had not been around when Louis needed him most. Still Malek would not judge him until he and his host had heard what the man had to say for himself.
“Louis tells me your name is Vincent Clarke? Would you prefer me to call you Clarke?” Malek asked.
“No call me Vinnie.” The man, ‘Vinnie’ replied. “How is Louis?”
“Louis is… he is having a hard time at the moment. They judge him because he is my host. He has never harmed anyone nor had he ever had ill intentions for them or his race and yet they still judge him.” Malek stated, his tone suggesting he did not understand but Malek did, he knew how it was to be betrayed by someone that he trusted. The Tok’ra lived in a world where they could only trust other Tok’ra and no one else, even then it was dangerous, any one of them could be a Goa’uld or a Goa’uld sympathiser.
“I’m sorry to hear that. If I had been here I would have kicked their asses.” Vinnie replied glaring at a group of men who were staring at them. “I mean it is so obvious that you’re not in control, you have arrogance about you that Louis does not naturally have. When you’re in control, Louis looks different. Anyone can see that.”
“If I may be so bold. Where were you?” Malek asked cautiously.
“My little girl has been ill, she could the flu virus and she became really sick but she is alright now and currently enjoying being the centre of attention.” Vinnie stated with a fond smile as he thought about his daughter. “I hope my comrade’s behaviour hasn’t tainted your view on my race and our world.”
“I must say that I’ve been disappointed and disgusted by their behaviour but it is understandable, after all I am a creature that needs to share another body to survive. I can see why anyone would dislike that.”
“But you’re a symbiote not a parasite and you’ve proven that countless times.” Sam replied.
“Yes but they’ve never seen me in control that often. They can’t recognise the difference between me and my host.” Malek replied.
“Then their blind.” Vinnie added. “What?” He asked as Daniel, Malek and Sam stared at him. The man shifted under their gaze, running a hand through his blonde hair in discomfort, a pale blush rose to his cheeks. “I mean I can see when Malek is in control and not Louis and I’ve only been here for a couple of hours. Only a blind man cannot see that Louis is not being controlled.”
I can always count on Vincent to see what no one else sees. Louis thought with fondness. He has always been there for me through thick and thin. If he had been here before this whole situation may have been a lot easier.
-He can still help us.- Malek replied. –How about you take control now? He is your friend and I think the others will now recognise that you are in control.-
I would like to speak to him. Louis replied hesitantly.
-Then do so, my dear host. I will be here if you need me.- Malek replied receding so Louis now had control. He felt Louis’s nerves but after a few moments Vinnie calmed his host and Malek relaxed. Louis had needed his friends and now Malek had helped him regain one. It may not have seemed much, but to his host it was probably a miracle. With his host now happily chatting away to Sam, Daniel and Vinnie, Malek finally allowed himself to relax. He would not sleep but he could doze. He stretched his body gently, moving his small limbs to get the blood flowing before he tightened around his head and relaxed, his small body going limp. Louis was hesitant when he felt Malek’s mind fade from his own but Malek simply stroked his hosts mind with his own, reminding the man that whilst he wasn’t there in the hosts mind, he was not far away. –I am merely resting.- Malek stated reassuring the man. Louis relaxed and refocused on his friends.
Now that his mind was separated from Louis, Malek took the opportunity to delve into the memories he would never show Louis. Sebastian’s sharp face filled his mind, the hosts dark eyes seemed to stare into Malek’s very soul. He remembered how gentle the man was when Misha had first joined them. She had been a virgin, but through Malek she had learned to love Sebastian and Delek. His two lovers had been so cautious and caring; she had grown to adore them. His calloused hands had gently caressed her skin, his lips and tongue had worshipped her body and when he finally took her she felt as if she was a Goddess worshipped by her most loyal worshipper.
-Why did it all change?- Malek thought sombrely. –Why did he change?- Sebastian had slowly disappeared, taking control less and less. Delek had become harsher and harsher, he snapped more often at Misha until she could not stand to face him. Malek had been forced to take control and protect his host from their two… well, they were really lovers. –At least not anymore.- Malek thought quietly. The problem was, Malek still desired Delek and Sebastian. Centuries of love could never be erased and Malek would never try to forget the precious moments they shared.- But has Delek forgotten?- Malek asked himself sadly.
Malek? Louis asked, his voice tainted with concern. Malek realised he must have let himself slip into his hosts mind; either that or he let his mental barriers lower subconsciously. Are you okay?
-I am fine, dear host. I was just remembering some… some things.- Malek stated softly. –Don’t mind me.-
But I can feel that your upset.
-It’s nothing. I’m just thinking.- Malek replied. –I… I miss my brethren and my lover.- Malek admitted. –But whilst I can return to my people, the love I shared with Delek and his hosts is never going to be returned. I’ve lost them for good.-
Why?
-I don’t know why.- Malek replied. –All I remember was how cold he became, how shallow and selfish he behaved. I don’t remember my hosts and I ever hurting or upsetting him and his hosts, yet he became so cold to us. He is not the same person and yet I…-
You still love him. Louis stated softly.
-Yes. I miss him even now. Once upon a time he would have missed me but now I wonder if he is too busy trying to commandeer my seat on the council. Perhaps he has already replaced me with another.-
No. If he loved you like you love him, he would never betray him. I can feel how much you care for him even when you’re trying so hard to hate him. That kind of love could never end.
-And yet it has.- Malek whispered. –But do not mind me, I will be alright. This is not the first time a relationship has ended badly for me. But do me a favour Louis, don’t waste you life away working, and don’t let me work us to death. When Delek began to change I was always so busy ‘running’ the base, in actual fact half the stuff I was doing wasn’t important, at least not as important as Delek and Sebastian. Don’t let work stop you from experiencing love.-
I won’t and I won’t let you make the same mistakes either. Louis promised. Do you want to take control?
-No this is your time.- Malek replied. –You need your friends.-
But you need friends more than me. Louis replied. You may have me but you’ve got no one else. I’ve got people outside this base, friends who don’t even know you. These guys do and they’ve accepted you, you need them. Go ahead, please take control, you need it more than me.
-Thank you, Louis. I am grateful for the offer but I need some time alone.-
Don’t seclude yourself, Malek. I want to help if I can.
-You help by accepting me.- Malek thought gently as he tightened around his hosts spine, his mind warm with love and hope. –I won’t seclude myself, I will be right here if I need you or if you need me. I just need to think for a small while.-
Okay. Louis thought reluctantly. Malek could tell his host wanted to do more than talk, he wanted to help but he was unable to do anything but offer support. To Malek, his hosts support was a life-line and that was all he needed but Louis wanted to do more. I’m here if you need me. Louis stated softly before he slowly, hesitantly focused back on their human companions. Louis continued talking with them but Malek could sense the host regularly checking in on him making sure Malek was really alright. Malek felt his small heart swell with gratefulness and he snuggled into his hosts spine revelling in the love and care being projected towards him by his host. Malek may have lost Delek’s love but he had earned an even greater love. The love of his host.
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